A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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