he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
