if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
