That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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