he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
