Fuck appropriateness.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
