I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's official drugs can't kill me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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