Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
