How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize