Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
