Porn is love you can see.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
