new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
