Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.