I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire