Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

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  (810): I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life. http://tfl.nu/vjtl
  Replies (3) Good night (1000) Bad night (1927)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

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  (267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6
  Replies (29) Good night (2019) Bad night (6834)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that

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  (641): i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that http://tfl.nu/t0hz
  Replies (22) Good night (5451) Bad night (1356)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.

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  (502): After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza. http://tfl.nu/j0sn
  Replies (5) Good night (3858) Bad night (841)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.

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  (206): and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment. http://tfl.nu/jfbz
  Replies (4) Good night (1094) Bad night (2633)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.

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  (859): I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt. http://tfl.nu/2lr3
  Replies (15) Good night (3545) Bad night (1683)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all

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  (618): Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all http://tfl.nu/t0uz
  Replies (11) Good night (3161) Bad night (806)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.

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  (304): The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke. http://tfl.nu/dnme
  Replies (9) Good night (2108) Bad night (506)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.

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  (406): He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell. http://tfl.nu/7ioa
  Replies (11) Good night (1269) Bad night (847)
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  (315): View more from New York

  i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy

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  (315): i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy http://tfl.nu/pdy7
  Replies (9) Good night (1969) Bad night (755)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center

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  (404): Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center http://tfl.nu/qm46
  Replies (7) Good night (1128) Bad night (452)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?

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  (859): Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed? http://tfl.nu/3iaa
  Replies (7) Good night (365) Bad night (971)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag

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  (425): The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag http://tfl.nu/niwp
  Replies (5) Good night (653) Bad night (280)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong

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  (602): I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong http://tfl.nu/9evz
  Replies (1) Good night (833) Bad night (214)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore

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  (+44): Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore http://tfl.nu/dh34
  Replies (0) Good night (363) Bad night (193)

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