when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dating After Heartbreak
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.