it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
