Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
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We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty