I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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