She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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