I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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