Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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