Your face is a jimmy john
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You took a bar mat shot.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize