just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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