Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
