Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
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I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
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I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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