And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
