My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am midnight drunk by noon
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
