party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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