why do cheetos always look like penises
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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