just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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