Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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