just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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