My hair reeks of homosexuality.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
