WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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