Quick, to the slutcave!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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