Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize