guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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