I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
