Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
