How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
