Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
