tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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