The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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