it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
