everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
