I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
