They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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