Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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