I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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