why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
