Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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