I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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