if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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