a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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