About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
