I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
