DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
