just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she smelled like a LAN party
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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