Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
