So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
