So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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