Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
