nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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