worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize