Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
